He Is Risen!!!

5:29 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yay, Easter is here. I have to say that I have always loved Fall/Autumn the most as my favorite time of the year. I love the colors, smells and crisp Autumn air. Having said that, I must admit there is nothing like Easter to remind me of all things being renewed and bright. I'm not big on rain but it reminds me that without it, I would not appreciate the sunny days. And all things need some hydrating, including my spirit.
So Yay for Easter. He is risen and because of Him, I can be renewed and grow. 17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2nd Corinthians 5:17. Color me grateful today. As I remember His sacrifice, I am going to let this day remind me to let the old pass away and enjoy life as a new creation. I hope you do too. Peace, Love and Joy for He Is Risen!

And it keeps on coming...

5:08 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Well, the crazy world just keeps spinning. Rob's cousin had surgery and thank the Lord, it was alot shorter than expected and it went wonderfully. Instead of a secondary surgery to reattach what was left, they were able to do it right away during the surgery. How incredibly awesome.

But just as the family was enjoying the success of her surgery, tragidy struck yet again as her father,(Rob's b.i.l.) had a stroke. He hadn't been feeling well before he headed to the hospital to visit her, and by the time he arrived there, she knew something was wrong. Because he waited so long before getting treatment, the medication for strokes was not an option for him. It must be used within the first 3 hours of symptoms. So now there is a clot there still.

Rob's stepsister is a rock of strength and I know she hides her stress so well from onlookers. I remember all too well what that is like. Trying to hold the edges together so no one thinks you are incapable or unstable. I pray that she receives unlimited strength needed to get through both of them healing.

Just when I feel so oppressed, I realize how truly blessed every day of my life is.

The Missing

4:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Here I am fuzzy headed yet again, solely my own doing, as I am obsessed with missing people. I cannot explain what began said obsession, or how it slowly began to overtake what precious free time I used to have. I have not experienced that type of loss. Yet, I feel like I almost know these families as I browse their pages, pray for them and their lost loved one. My husband is almost on his last legs with me on this issue. He has reached the point where he becomes angry as I cry watching news coverage, searching every news article for some update or post another persons missing information on some board or other that I am stalking. I wish I could explain to him why it matters to me. I have tried verbalizing that were it my family, I would be so thankfull for every person who remembered that my loved one was missing. I would want someone to still care a year after all the publicity died. If they even receive publicity. Many cases don't even have that luxury of a few minutes of "missing fame" (almost the worst kind) to catch someone's eye. Some cases (Becky Marzo), hold the knowledge that their loved on has surely past, even suspecting they know the person responsible, yet cannot bring their loved one home. My tears are often more for the families left behind "not knowing". It is enough to lose someone so beloved, but to not know to what extent that loss is, to not be able to grieve appropriately, and hopefully someday heal...to me is the creme de la Cruel.

DAYS GO BY AND BYE

10:02 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
My youngest turned 10 the other day. Ten years and yet it feels like the blink of an eye. It really is amazing how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was getting married, having my first child, second child and then third. I often have trouble with time and when this or that happened. Every milestone that comes up I realize more and more that time does seem to pass by even faster than the previous year. I remember my mother telling me that when I was younger. Enjoy being young, don't be in a rush to grow up, time will fly by faster than you can know where it all went. Now, I have become my mother and repeat those same words to my children.

I think if you ask most people if this is where they thought they would be 10, 15, 20 or more years ago they would say NO. But if you asked them if they are happy where they are, I think aside from some small or even large issues in their life, they would say yes.

This past week reminded me that time has a way of setting up blocks of your life. At least for some of us. This was who I was then. Then this was who I was, and now THIS is who I am. Sometimes we wish we could be who we were, but with the knowledge we have now, yet we could not be who we are without being who we were then. Yeesh....circles and circles.

OH SNAP!

7:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

Who Do You Say I Am

1:39 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

Here we go again!

5:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!







Are You Kidding Me?

10:50 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Snow? Snow? Oh for crying out loud, you have got to be kidding me. Nearly the middle of March and I see snow. Doesn't mother nature understand that I am fed up with having sick kids? Clorox and I are waiting for some nice weather so I don't suffocate and poison everyone in the house. I need nice weather to open all the windows so I don't kill us all with bleach fumes.
I was so happy with those couple of warm, slightly sunny days. Even though I was sick, everything seemed so much better in the world.
Sometimes I feel like even a good smack might not be enough to right my senses. How on earth did I ever let my husband talk me into moving into the middle of the stupid woods? I must have been off in some la la land. Not only are we unable to grow anything but moss and dirt out here without sunlight, I can't even go for walks in my own woods 'cause people keep shooting out of season back there and I really don't want to hasten my exit out of this world.
Can ya tell I am struggling today? I am just bitter 'cause today is Neurology 6th month visit day and that is never a happy time for me. So, I decided, once I complained about the weather, I was gonna find some nice things to be happy about.
Here goes:
Robby is 18 and he was not expected to live even a fraction of that time.
Kye's grades are phenomenal and we get along fairly well overall.
Connor's grades are wonderful as well and he is about to have a bday soon.
My marriage is solid and I love him as much today as I did in the beginning. I honestly think more since he makes me madder now than he did then and I get over it faster.
We have a home to live in.
We have food to eat.
We have transportation.
We have family.
We have friends.
We have each other.
We have JESUS!
Seems despite the sadness that this visit always brings me, all the wonderful things we have should outweigh the negative.
I think sometimes I just need to take the time to list just how blessed we really are to overcome the difficult stuff. And as I remind myself, the difficult stuff helps me appreciate all the fabulous and miraculous in our life.
So color me uplifted and smiling. :)

NERDY

7:44 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Okay, so I will admit it, I have always been a little bit of a nerd, geek, dork...you get the picture.
I love comic books, superheros...all that stuff. So, I was really excited to go see Watchmen last night. It looked a bit dark and I wasn't sure about that, but the previews did make it look a bit action packed.
Well, no one told me I was gonna be embarrassed to be sitting there with my husband, sister, b.i.l., and MOM. Nothing like feeling like your watching some kind of male nude modeling art class with your mother....yeesh. Had it just been Rob and I, all would have been fine, as I am not easily embarrassed. I read a couple reviews talking about missing the mark, a little slow...yada yada...but nothing about male anatomy to watch with my MOTHER.....Now being someone that loves art, I have seen many a painting with nude females and males and never think twice about it. The funny thing is Rob mentioned something about seeing the actor on some talk show saying he would probably never watch the movie as it showed too much of him....I was a bit slow on the uptake I guess.
My b.i.l. giggled like a little girl everytime Mr. Manhattan's maleness showed which got my husband laughing, my sister and I hiding our faces in our shirts trying not to laugh and my mom saying did they really just show that. Now, I hadn't even noticed the first few times that they had drawn in his manly parts, my husband's and b.i.l.'s laughter had me wondering at first "What is so funny?" Finally I caught on...oh boy. Then the bit graphic loves scenes, again with my mother present, left me glad the theater was dark or boy would my face have even redder.
My mother was so funny as after the movie she says, "That was all CG right, they didn't really show a real man on there did they?" We all busted out laughing. Yes mom, it was all CG but at that point, was there really any difference whether it was real or not.........
So, if you've been considering seeing it, just know...they really mean nudity...it's incredibly violent, and you definetly don't want to take your mother hehe.

UGH

6:09 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Can I just say...I hate not having health insurance.
As if if were not bad enough that I feel like a nasty illness
is tracking me down, the thought of going to see my
physician makes it all the worse.
I have not been to see my Dr. in over two years, even though
I have some health issues going on that should be followed up
regularly. Why? Because I do not have health insurance.
Paying cash every time I need to take the kids in, is a real
budget killer, let alone even entertaining medical bills for
myself. Thank the good Lord, I am rarely ill enough to
warrant immediate medical care. Most things are well
handled homeopathically.
Then, after my dental appointment today, I began to
panic about what happens if this temporary fix doesn't
force the tooth to heal and I have to chose between the
loss of the tooth or root canal. Guess which one wins?
And that is only 1 tooth of several whose fillings managed
to come out after less than a year of having them all filled.
All the cavities I had filled as a child had to be redone recently,
yet again. They had to be redone when I was pregnant with
my last child who is soon to turn 9. Then they have been
redone twice since then and now must be done again. Why
can't a stupid filling just stay in and stop causing me trouble.
I really hope healthcare in this nation gets fixed. I make
too much money to qualify for michild insurance here yet
don't make enough to have much left after paying bills to
even consider being able to pay for private insurance.
And I am one of the lucky ones. I have a friend, recently
jobless, takes multiple medications, and was told there is
NO Medicaid here in Michigan right now. How can this be?
How can a government program be gone? They said 1 or 2
slots "may" open in the next month but there is a huge
waiting list for it. Thank goodness there is a free clinic here
that may be able to help with some of the meds.
Without her meds, her physical and mental health will
deteriorate rapidly. I can tell you this for sure, it breaks
my heart everything she is going through. Just when I
begin to feel sorry for any circumstance in my life I need
only look at her.
How unfair.
I understand that some people abuse the
system and just want to live off the proceeds and hard
work of others, but what of those that are just hard hit
by life's circumstances?
As my friend Jo often says, " Can't He just blow the whistle
and call us out of the pool already?"
I know that life's struggles are a part of having free will in this
world, and we should all make time to list all that we have to
be thankful for, but sometimes a girl just wants to whine.

Am I taking it back?

10:30 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Have you ever had that person or two you just couldn't seem to forgive and move beyond?
After a lengthy discussion with a friend about how hard it is to get over being hurt sometimes, I got to thinking about a site online (sorry it was so long ago that I don't remember where) about forgiving.
I have found that wise women of faith out there are right on track about forgiveness. At times when I have felt hurt, especially by family as we can't choose them, I have chosen to follow their directions on how to forgive. I can honestly say that praying for the person that you feel has hurt or betrayed you, and not that they will be smote down lol, but for blessings to be heaped upon them and that they will feel loved, and that you can forgive and forget, really heals those painful wounds.
So, what does it mean when someone you have been praying you could forgive, that you have been praying for mounds of blessings and peace for, still weighs on your mind?
Surely it is NOT God for He knows exactly what He is doing? So I began to wonder if maybe I am taking it back. Not out loud but unconsciously in my head.
Maybe the problem lies solely with my inability to mean it with some people. Maybe I am going through the motions with the best intentions but in my heart and mind I don't really want to forgive yet.
I had not thought about this article in such a long time and while complaining about why I can't let go of some hurt that just seems forever attached to me, it suddenly popped back up in my brain.
Maybe I am just plain taking it back.
Instantly as I thought about it, I realized, that is probably exactly what it is. Why do I think that? Because as quickly as the idea hit me, the negative thoughts began to set in. "I prayed about it already." "I don't want to beat a dead horse with God." "I have been obedient and done my part, I prayed for them, I wished blessings on them, maybe it's not to be."
But as fast as those thoughts came, I knew it wasn't true. I knew, and know the problem is me.
So guess what, here goes another round and included in it will be prayers for me to get over myself and for some insight to recognize if and when I am taking it back. More repentance incoming. Sigh.

NOOB

10:43 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Let me just say I hate being a NOOB.
Sorry to those who emailed me to let me know they cannot post to my blog.
And Thank You for letting me know. I am sure it is a mistake on my part as
I recently changed skins and probably goofed something up. Technology and
I don't always see eye to eye. Much like my spelling of late.
Here's hoping it will be a quick fix with the right information.

He Is Risen!!!

5:29 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yay, Easter is here. I have to say that I have always loved Fall/Autumn the most as my favorite time of the year. I love the colors, smells and crisp Autumn air. Having said that, I must admit there is nothing like Easter to remind me of all things being renewed and bright. I'm not big on rain but it reminds me that without it, I would not appreciate the sunny days. And all things need some hydrating, including my spirit.
So Yay for Easter. He is risen and because of Him, I can be renewed and grow. 17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2nd Corinthians 5:17. Color me grateful today. As I remember His sacrifice, I am going to let this day remind me to let the old pass away and enjoy life as a new creation. I hope you do too. Peace, Love and Joy for He Is Risen!

And it keeps on coming...

5:08 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Well, the crazy world just keeps spinning. Rob's cousin had surgery and thank the Lord, it was alot shorter than expected and it went wonderfully. Instead of a secondary surgery to reattach what was left, they were able to do it right away during the surgery. How incredibly awesome.

But just as the family was enjoying the success of her surgery, tragidy struck yet again as her father,(Rob's b.i.l.) had a stroke. He hadn't been feeling well before he headed to the hospital to visit her, and by the time he arrived there, she knew something was wrong. Because he waited so long before getting treatment, the medication for strokes was not an option for him. It must be used within the first 3 hours of symptoms. So now there is a clot there still.

Rob's stepsister is a rock of strength and I know she hides her stress so well from onlookers. I remember all too well what that is like. Trying to hold the edges together so no one thinks you are incapable or unstable. I pray that she receives unlimited strength needed to get through both of them healing.

Just when I feel so oppressed, I realize how truly blessed every day of my life is.

The Missing

4:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Here I am fuzzy headed yet again, solely my own doing, as I am obsessed with missing people. I cannot explain what began said obsession, or how it slowly began to overtake what precious free time I used to have. I have not experienced that type of loss. Yet, I feel like I almost know these families as I browse their pages, pray for them and their lost loved one. My husband is almost on his last legs with me on this issue. He has reached the point where he becomes angry as I cry watching news coverage, searching every news article for some update or post another persons missing information on some board or other that I am stalking. I wish I could explain to him why it matters to me. I have tried verbalizing that were it my family, I would be so thankfull for every person who remembered that my loved one was missing. I would want someone to still care a year after all the publicity died. If they even receive publicity. Many cases don't even have that luxury of a few minutes of "missing fame" (almost the worst kind) to catch someone's eye. Some cases (Becky Marzo), hold the knowledge that their loved on has surely past, even suspecting they know the person responsible, yet cannot bring their loved one home. My tears are often more for the families left behind "not knowing". It is enough to lose someone so beloved, but to not know to what extent that loss is, to not be able to grieve appropriately, and hopefully someday heal...to me is the creme de la Cruel.

DAYS GO BY AND BYE

10:02 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
My youngest turned 10 the other day. Ten years and yet it feels like the blink of an eye. It really is amazing how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was getting married, having my first child, second child and then third. I often have trouble with time and when this or that happened. Every milestone that comes up I realize more and more that time does seem to pass by even faster than the previous year. I remember my mother telling me that when I was younger. Enjoy being young, don't be in a rush to grow up, time will fly by faster than you can know where it all went. Now, I have become my mother and repeat those same words to my children.

I think if you ask most people if this is where they thought they would be 10, 15, 20 or more years ago they would say NO. But if you asked them if they are happy where they are, I think aside from some small or even large issues in their life, they would say yes.

This past week reminded me that time has a way of setting up blocks of your life. At least for some of us. This was who I was then. Then this was who I was, and now THIS is who I am. Sometimes we wish we could be who we were, but with the knowledge we have now, yet we could not be who we are without being who we were then. Yeesh....circles and circles.

OH SNAP!

7:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

Who Do You Say I Am

1:39 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

Here we go again!

5:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!







Are You Kidding Me?

10:50 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Snow? Snow? Oh for crying out loud, you have got to be kidding me. Nearly the middle of March and I see snow. Doesn't mother nature understand that I am fed up with having sick kids? Clorox and I are waiting for some nice weather so I don't suffocate and poison everyone in the house. I need nice weather to open all the windows so I don't kill us all with bleach fumes.
I was so happy with those couple of warm, slightly sunny days. Even though I was sick, everything seemed so much better in the world.
Sometimes I feel like even a good smack might not be enough to right my senses. How on earth did I ever let my husband talk me into moving into the middle of the stupid woods? I must have been off in some la la land. Not only are we unable to grow anything but moss and dirt out here without sunlight, I can't even go for walks in my own woods 'cause people keep shooting out of season back there and I really don't want to hasten my exit out of this world.
Can ya tell I am struggling today? I am just bitter 'cause today is Neurology 6th month visit day and that is never a happy time for me. So, I decided, once I complained about the weather, I was gonna find some nice things to be happy about.
Here goes:
Robby is 18 and he was not expected to live even a fraction of that time.
Kye's grades are phenomenal and we get along fairly well overall.
Connor's grades are wonderful as well and he is about to have a bday soon.
My marriage is solid and I love him as much today as I did in the beginning. I honestly think more since he makes me madder now than he did then and I get over it faster.
We have a home to live in.
We have food to eat.
We have transportation.
We have family.
We have friends.
We have each other.
We have JESUS!
Seems despite the sadness that this visit always brings me, all the wonderful things we have should outweigh the negative.
I think sometimes I just need to take the time to list just how blessed we really are to overcome the difficult stuff. And as I remind myself, the difficult stuff helps me appreciate all the fabulous and miraculous in our life.
So color me uplifted and smiling. :)

NERDY

7:44 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Okay, so I will admit it, I have always been a little bit of a nerd, geek, dork...you get the picture.
I love comic books, superheros...all that stuff. So, I was really excited to go see Watchmen last night. It looked a bit dark and I wasn't sure about that, but the previews did make it look a bit action packed.
Well, no one told me I was gonna be embarrassed to be sitting there with my husband, sister, b.i.l., and MOM. Nothing like feeling like your watching some kind of male nude modeling art class with your mother....yeesh. Had it just been Rob and I, all would have been fine, as I am not easily embarrassed. I read a couple reviews talking about missing the mark, a little slow...yada yada...but nothing about male anatomy to watch with my MOTHER.....Now being someone that loves art, I have seen many a painting with nude females and males and never think twice about it. The funny thing is Rob mentioned something about seeing the actor on some talk show saying he would probably never watch the movie as it showed too much of him....I was a bit slow on the uptake I guess.
My b.i.l. giggled like a little girl everytime Mr. Manhattan's maleness showed which got my husband laughing, my sister and I hiding our faces in our shirts trying not to laugh and my mom saying did they really just show that. Now, I hadn't even noticed the first few times that they had drawn in his manly parts, my husband's and b.i.l.'s laughter had me wondering at first "What is so funny?" Finally I caught on...oh boy. Then the bit graphic loves scenes, again with my mother present, left me glad the theater was dark or boy would my face have even redder.
My mother was so funny as after the movie she says, "That was all CG right, they didn't really show a real man on there did they?" We all busted out laughing. Yes mom, it was all CG but at that point, was there really any difference whether it was real or not.........
So, if you've been considering seeing it, just know...they really mean nudity...it's incredibly violent, and you definetly don't want to take your mother hehe.

UGH

6:09 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Can I just say...I hate not having health insurance.
As if if were not bad enough that I feel like a nasty illness
is tracking me down, the thought of going to see my
physician makes it all the worse.
I have not been to see my Dr. in over two years, even though
I have some health issues going on that should be followed up
regularly. Why? Because I do not have health insurance.
Paying cash every time I need to take the kids in, is a real
budget killer, let alone even entertaining medical bills for
myself. Thank the good Lord, I am rarely ill enough to
warrant immediate medical care. Most things are well
handled homeopathically.
Then, after my dental appointment today, I began to
panic about what happens if this temporary fix doesn't
force the tooth to heal and I have to chose between the
loss of the tooth or root canal. Guess which one wins?
And that is only 1 tooth of several whose fillings managed
to come out after less than a year of having them all filled.
All the cavities I had filled as a child had to be redone recently,
yet again. They had to be redone when I was pregnant with
my last child who is soon to turn 9. Then they have been
redone twice since then and now must be done again. Why
can't a stupid filling just stay in and stop causing me trouble.
I really hope healthcare in this nation gets fixed. I make
too much money to qualify for michild insurance here yet
don't make enough to have much left after paying bills to
even consider being able to pay for private insurance.
And I am one of the lucky ones. I have a friend, recently
jobless, takes multiple medications, and was told there is
NO Medicaid here in Michigan right now. How can this be?
How can a government program be gone? They said 1 or 2
slots "may" open in the next month but there is a huge
waiting list for it. Thank goodness there is a free clinic here
that may be able to help with some of the meds.
Without her meds, her physical and mental health will
deteriorate rapidly. I can tell you this for sure, it breaks
my heart everything she is going through. Just when I
begin to feel sorry for any circumstance in my life I need
only look at her.
How unfair.
I understand that some people abuse the
system and just want to live off the proceeds and hard
work of others, but what of those that are just hard hit
by life's circumstances?
As my friend Jo often says, " Can't He just blow the whistle
and call us out of the pool already?"
I know that life's struggles are a part of having free will in this
world, and we should all make time to list all that we have to
be thankful for, but sometimes a girl just wants to whine.

Am I taking it back?

10:30 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Have you ever had that person or two you just couldn't seem to forgive and move beyond?
After a lengthy discussion with a friend about how hard it is to get over being hurt sometimes, I got to thinking about a site online (sorry it was so long ago that I don't remember where) about forgiving.
I have found that wise women of faith out there are right on track about forgiveness. At times when I have felt hurt, especially by family as we can't choose them, I have chosen to follow their directions on how to forgive. I can honestly say that praying for the person that you feel has hurt or betrayed you, and not that they will be smote down lol, but for blessings to be heaped upon them and that they will feel loved, and that you can forgive and forget, really heals those painful wounds.
So, what does it mean when someone you have been praying you could forgive, that you have been praying for mounds of blessings and peace for, still weighs on your mind?
Surely it is NOT God for He knows exactly what He is doing? So I began to wonder if maybe I am taking it back. Not out loud but unconsciously in my head.
Maybe the problem lies solely with my inability to mean it with some people. Maybe I am going through the motions with the best intentions but in my heart and mind I don't really want to forgive yet.
I had not thought about this article in such a long time and while complaining about why I can't let go of some hurt that just seems forever attached to me, it suddenly popped back up in my brain.
Maybe I am just plain taking it back.
Instantly as I thought about it, I realized, that is probably exactly what it is. Why do I think that? Because as quickly as the idea hit me, the negative thoughts began to set in. "I prayed about it already." "I don't want to beat a dead horse with God." "I have been obedient and done my part, I prayed for them, I wished blessings on them, maybe it's not to be."
But as fast as those thoughts came, I knew it wasn't true. I knew, and know the problem is me.
So guess what, here goes another round and included in it will be prayers for me to get over myself and for some insight to recognize if and when I am taking it back. More repentance incoming. Sigh.

NOOB

10:43 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Let me just say I hate being a NOOB.
Sorry to those who emailed me to let me know they cannot post to my blog.
And Thank You for letting me know. I am sure it is a mistake on my part as
I recently changed skins and probably goofed something up. Technology and
I don't always see eye to eye. Much like my spelling of late.
Here's hoping it will be a quick fix with the right information.