He Is Risen!!!

5:29 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yay, Easter is here. I have to say that I have always loved Fall/Autumn the most as my favorite time of the year. I love the colors, smells and crisp Autumn air. Having said that, I must admit there is nothing like Easter to remind me of all things being renewed and bright. I'm not big on rain but it reminds me that without it, I would not appreciate the sunny days. And all things need some hydrating, including my spirit.
So Yay for Easter. He is risen and because of Him, I can be renewed and grow. 17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2nd Corinthians 5:17. Color me grateful today. As I remember His sacrifice, I am going to let this day remind me to let the old pass away and enjoy life as a new creation. I hope you do too. Peace, Love and Joy for He Is Risen!

And it keeps on coming...

5:08 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Well, the crazy world just keeps spinning. Rob's cousin had surgery and thank the Lord, it was alot shorter than expected and it went wonderfully. Instead of a secondary surgery to reattach what was left, they were able to do it right away during the surgery. How incredibly awesome.

But just as the family was enjoying the success of her surgery, tragidy struck yet again as her father,(Rob's b.i.l.) had a stroke. He hadn't been feeling well before he headed to the hospital to visit her, and by the time he arrived there, she knew something was wrong. Because he waited so long before getting treatment, the medication for strokes was not an option for him. It must be used within the first 3 hours of symptoms. So now there is a clot there still.

Rob's stepsister is a rock of strength and I know she hides her stress so well from onlookers. I remember all too well what that is like. Trying to hold the edges together so no one thinks you are incapable or unstable. I pray that she receives unlimited strength needed to get through both of them healing.

Just when I feel so oppressed, I realize how truly blessed every day of my life is.

The Missing

4:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Here I am fuzzy headed yet again, solely my own doing, as I am obsessed with missing people. I cannot explain what began said obsession, or how it slowly began to overtake what precious free time I used to have. I have not experienced that type of loss. Yet, I feel like I almost know these families as I browse their pages, pray for them and their lost loved one. My husband is almost on his last legs with me on this issue. He has reached the point where he becomes angry as I cry watching news coverage, searching every news article for some update or post another persons missing information on some board or other that I am stalking. I wish I could explain to him why it matters to me. I have tried verbalizing that were it my family, I would be so thankfull for every person who remembered that my loved one was missing. I would want someone to still care a year after all the publicity died. If they even receive publicity. Many cases don't even have that luxury of a few minutes of "missing fame" (almost the worst kind) to catch someone's eye. Some cases (Becky Marzo), hold the knowledge that their loved on has surely past, even suspecting they know the person responsible, yet cannot bring their loved one home. My tears are often more for the families left behind "not knowing". It is enough to lose someone so beloved, but to not know to what extent that loss is, to not be able to grieve appropriately, and hopefully someday heal...to me is the creme de la Cruel.

DAYS GO BY AND BYE

10:02 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
My youngest turned 10 the other day. Ten years and yet it feels like the blink of an eye. It really is amazing how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was getting married, having my first child, second child and then third. I often have trouble with time and when this or that happened. Every milestone that comes up I realize more and more that time does seem to pass by even faster than the previous year. I remember my mother telling me that when I was younger. Enjoy being young, don't be in a rush to grow up, time will fly by faster than you can know where it all went. Now, I have become my mother and repeat those same words to my children.

I think if you ask most people if this is where they thought they would be 10, 15, 20 or more years ago they would say NO. But if you asked them if they are happy where they are, I think aside from some small or even large issues in their life, they would say yes.

This past week reminded me that time has a way of setting up blocks of your life. At least for some of us. This was who I was then. Then this was who I was, and now THIS is who I am. Sometimes we wish we could be who we were, but with the knowledge we have now, yet we could not be who we are without being who we were then. Yeesh....circles and circles.

OH SNAP!

7:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

Who Do You Say I Am

1:39 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

Here we go again!

5:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!







He Is Risen!!!

5:29 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Yay, Easter is here. I have to say that I have always loved Fall/Autumn the most as my favorite time of the year. I love the colors, smells and crisp Autumn air. Having said that, I must admit there is nothing like Easter to remind me of all things being renewed and bright. I'm not big on rain but it reminds me that without it, I would not appreciate the sunny days. And all things need some hydrating, including my spirit.
So Yay for Easter. He is risen and because of Him, I can be renewed and grow. 17Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2nd Corinthians 5:17. Color me grateful today. As I remember His sacrifice, I am going to let this day remind me to let the old pass away and enjoy life as a new creation. I hope you do too. Peace, Love and Joy for He Is Risen!

And it keeps on coming...

5:08 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Well, the crazy world just keeps spinning. Rob's cousin had surgery and thank the Lord, it was alot shorter than expected and it went wonderfully. Instead of a secondary surgery to reattach what was left, they were able to do it right away during the surgery. How incredibly awesome.

But just as the family was enjoying the success of her surgery, tragidy struck yet again as her father,(Rob's b.i.l.) had a stroke. He hadn't been feeling well before he headed to the hospital to visit her, and by the time he arrived there, she knew something was wrong. Because he waited so long before getting treatment, the medication for strokes was not an option for him. It must be used within the first 3 hours of symptoms. So now there is a clot there still.

Rob's stepsister is a rock of strength and I know she hides her stress so well from onlookers. I remember all too well what that is like. Trying to hold the edges together so no one thinks you are incapable or unstable. I pray that she receives unlimited strength needed to get through both of them healing.

Just when I feel so oppressed, I realize how truly blessed every day of my life is.

The Missing

4:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Here I am fuzzy headed yet again, solely my own doing, as I am obsessed with missing people. I cannot explain what began said obsession, or how it slowly began to overtake what precious free time I used to have. I have not experienced that type of loss. Yet, I feel like I almost know these families as I browse their pages, pray for them and their lost loved one. My husband is almost on his last legs with me on this issue. He has reached the point where he becomes angry as I cry watching news coverage, searching every news article for some update or post another persons missing information on some board or other that I am stalking. I wish I could explain to him why it matters to me. I have tried verbalizing that were it my family, I would be so thankfull for every person who remembered that my loved one was missing. I would want someone to still care a year after all the publicity died. If they even receive publicity. Many cases don't even have that luxury of a few minutes of "missing fame" (almost the worst kind) to catch someone's eye. Some cases (Becky Marzo), hold the knowledge that their loved on has surely past, even suspecting they know the person responsible, yet cannot bring their loved one home. My tears are often more for the families left behind "not knowing". It is enough to lose someone so beloved, but to not know to what extent that loss is, to not be able to grieve appropriately, and hopefully someday heal...to me is the creme de la Cruel.

DAYS GO BY AND BYE

10:02 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
My youngest turned 10 the other day. Ten years and yet it feels like the blink of an eye. It really is amazing how time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was getting married, having my first child, second child and then third. I often have trouble with time and when this or that happened. Every milestone that comes up I realize more and more that time does seem to pass by even faster than the previous year. I remember my mother telling me that when I was younger. Enjoy being young, don't be in a rush to grow up, time will fly by faster than you can know where it all went. Now, I have become my mother and repeat those same words to my children.

I think if you ask most people if this is where they thought they would be 10, 15, 20 or more years ago they would say NO. But if you asked them if they are happy where they are, I think aside from some small or even large issues in their life, they would say yes.

This past week reminded me that time has a way of setting up blocks of your life. At least for some of us. This was who I was then. Then this was who I was, and now THIS is who I am. Sometimes we wish we could be who we were, but with the knowledge we have now, yet we could not be who we are without being who we were then. Yeesh....circles and circles.

OH SNAP!

7:06 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

Who Do You Say I Am

1:39 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

Here we go again!

5:13 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!