Hmmm...

There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!

Snow? Snow? Oh for crying out loud, you have got to be kidding me. Nearly the middle of March and I see snow. Doesn't mother nature understand that I am fed up with having sick kids? Clorox and I are waiting for some nice weather so I don't suffocate and poison everyone in the house. I need nice weather to open all the windows so I don't kill us all with bleach fumes.
I was so happy with those couple of warm, slightly sunny days. Even though I was sick, everything seemed so much better in the world.
Sometimes I feel like even a good smack might not be enough to right my senses. How on earth did I ever let my husband talk me into moving into the middle of the stupid woods? I must have been off in some la la land. Not only are we unable to grow anything but moss and dirt out here without sunlight, I can't even go for walks in my own woods 'cause people keep shooting out of season back there and I really don't want to hasten my exit out of this world.
Can ya tell I am struggling today? I am just bitter 'cause today is Neurology 6th month visit day and that is never a happy time for me. So, I decided, once I complained about the weather, I was gonna find some nice things to be happy about.
Here goes:
Robby is 18 and he was not expected to live even a fraction of that time.
Kye's grades are phenomenal and we get along fairly well overall.
Connor's grades are wonderful as well and he is about to have a bday soon.
My marriage is solid and I love him as much today as I did in the beginning. I honestly think more since he makes me madder now than he did then and I get over it faster.
We have a home to live in.
We have food to eat.
We have transportation.
We have family.
We have friends.
We have each other.
We have JESUS!
Seems despite the sadness that this visit always brings me, all the wonderful things we have should outweigh the negative.
I think sometimes I just need to take the time to list just how blessed we really are to overcome the difficult stuff. And as I remind myself, the difficult stuff helps me appreciate all the fabulous and miraculous in our life.
So color me uplifted and smiling. :)

Okay, so I will admit it, I have always been a little bit of a nerd, geek, dork...you get the picture.
I love comic books, superheros...all that stuff. So, I was really excited to go see Watchmen last night. It looked a bit dark and I wasn't sure about that, but the previews did make it look a bit action packed.
Well, no one told me I was gonna be embarrassed to be sitting there with my husband, sister, b.i.l., and MOM. Nothing like feeling like your watching some kind of male nude modeling art class with your mother....yeesh. Had it just been Rob and I, all would have been fine, as I am not easily embarrassed. I read a couple reviews talking about missing the mark, a little slow...yada yada...but nothing about male anatomy to watch with my MOTHER.....Now being someone that loves art, I have seen many a painting with nude females and males and never think twice about it. The funny thing is Rob mentioned something about seeing the actor on some talk show saying he would probably never watch the movie as it showed too much of him....I was a bit slow on the uptake I guess.
My b.i.l. giggled like a little girl everytime Mr. Manhattan's maleness showed which got my husband laughing, my sister and I hiding our faces in our shirts trying not to laugh and my mom saying did they really just show that. Now, I hadn't even noticed the first few times that they had drawn in his manly parts, my husband's and b.i.l.'s laughter had me wondering at first "What is so funny?" Finally I caught on...oh boy. Then the bit graphic loves scenes, again with my mother present, left me glad the theater was dark or boy would my face have even redder.
My mother was so funny as after the movie she says, "That was all CG right, they didn't really show a real man on there did they?" We all busted out laughing. Yes mom, it was all CG but at that point, was there really any difference whether it was real or not.........
So, if you've been considering seeing it, just know...they really mean nudity...it's incredibly violent, and you definetly don't want to take your mother hehe.

Can I just say...I hate not having health insurance.
As if if were not bad enough that I feel like a nasty illness
is tracking me down, the thought of going to see my
physician makes it all the worse.
I have not been to see my Dr. in over two years, even though
I have some health issues going on that should be followed up
regularly. Why? Because I do not have health insurance.
Paying cash every time I need to take the kids in, is a real
budget killer, let alone even entertaining medical bills for
myself. Thank the good Lord, I am rarely ill enough to
warrant immediate medical care. Most things are well
handled homeopathically.
Then, after my dental appointment today, I began to
panic about what happens if this temporary fix doesn't
force the tooth to heal and I have to chose between the
loss of the tooth or root canal. Guess which one wins?
And that is only 1 tooth of several whose fillings managed
to come out after less than a year of having them all filled.
All the cavities I had filled as a child had to be redone recently,
yet again. They had to be redone when I was pregnant with
my last child who is soon to turn 9. Then they have been
redone twice since then and now must be done again. Why
can't a stupid filling just stay in and stop causing me trouble.
I really hope healthcare in this nation gets fixed. I make
too much money to qualify for michild insurance here yet
don't make enough to have much left after paying bills to
even consider being able to pay for private insurance.
And I am one of the lucky ones. I have a friend, recently
jobless, takes multiple medications, and was told there is
NO Medicaid here in Michigan right now. How can this be?
How can a government program be gone? They said 1 or 2
slots "may" open in the next month but there is a huge
waiting list for it. Thank goodness there is a free clinic here
that may be able to help with some of the meds.
Without her meds, her physical and mental health will
deteriorate rapidly. I can tell you this for sure, it breaks
my heart everything she is going through. Just when I
begin to feel sorry for any circumstance in my life I need
only look at her.
How unfair.
I understand that some people abuse the
system and just want to live off the proceeds and hard
work of others, but what of those that are just hard hit
by life's circumstances?
As my friend Jo often says, " Can't He just blow the whistle
and call us out of the pool already?"
I know that life's struggles are a part of having free will in this
world, and we should all make time to list all that we have to
be thankful for, but sometimes a girl just wants to whine.

Have you ever had that person or two you just couldn't seem to forgive and move beyond?
After a lengthy discussion with a friend about how hard it is to get over being hurt sometimes, I got to thinking about a site online (sorry it was so long ago that I don't remember where) about forgiving.
I have found that wise women of faith out there are right on track about forgiveness. At times when I have felt hurt, especially by family as we can't choose them, I have chosen to follow their directions on how to forgive. I can honestly say that praying for the person that you feel has hurt or betrayed you, and not that they will be smote down lol, but for blessings to be heaped upon them and that they will feel loved, and that you can forgive and forget, really heals those painful wounds.
So, what does it mean when someone you have been praying you could forgive, that you have been praying for mounds of blessings and peace for, still weighs on your mind?
Surely it is NOT God for He knows exactly what He is doing? So I began to wonder if maybe I am taking it back. Not out loud but unconsciously in my head.
Maybe the problem lies solely with my inability to mean it with some people. Maybe I am going through the motions with the best intentions but in my heart and mind I don't really want to forgive yet.
I had not thought about this article in such a long time and while complaining about why I can't let go of some hurt that just seems forever attached to me, it suddenly popped back up in my brain.
Maybe I am just plain taking it back.
Instantly as I thought about it, I realized, that is probably exactly what it is. Why do I think that? Because as quickly as the idea hit me, the negative thoughts began to set in. "I prayed about it already." "I don't want to beat a dead horse with God." "I have been obedient and done my part, I prayed for them, I wished blessings on them, maybe it's not to be."
But as fast as those thoughts came, I knew it wasn't true. I knew, and know the problem is me.
So guess what, here goes another round and included in it will be prayers for me to get over myself and for some insight to recognize if and when I am taking it back. More repentance incoming. Sigh.

Let me just say I hate being a NOOB.
Sorry to those who emailed me to let me know they cannot post to my blog.
And Thank You for letting me know. I am sure it is a mistake on my part as
I recently changed skins and probably goofed something up. Technology and
I don't always see eye to eye. Much like my spelling of late.
Here's hoping it will be a quick fix with the right information.

I know it is just plain silly to complain about the weather and live in Michigan.
It is the epitomy of the true oxymoron if ever there was one.
Nonetheless, I just don't think it's too much to ask for Mr. Weather to
make up his stinking mind. And yes, he is male, for only men can be this
irritating ( just kidding). Only to be followed by children hehe. (Not kidding here)
I don't think it is asking too much for a trend in one direction or another
to make dressing, driving , planning, shopping and just plain living easier.
I really don't need it to be 7 degrees one day and 50 the next. If it is going
to be cold...then just be cold. This see saw effect is making my sinus' and ears
do flip flops. And everytime I think the snow has past...oh no, here comes
another round. Don't get me wrong, I love a break in between snow storms,
but come on, it's March already. I don't want to see anymore snow and it
could be dangerous for the news forcaster that says we are getting any....
I'm just sayin.
I am not looking for Summer weather yet, just some milder even temps
without the freezing fluctuations that ruin my flower buds for the entire season.
And come on....More Sunshine Please....I am feeling a bit vaclempt and
want to leave hibernation.
Okay, okay, I will stop whining. But seriously.....

My day began with stress. I know, right? Imagine that even. Well, it all began with getting the 17 year old to the bus stop by 6:30, racing home to get the 8 year old ready for school, get my hair done, and pack the kitty up for her visit to the vet to be "fixed". Sheer madness. Racing around clear across town and back to get the youngest to school by 8:45 was almost impossible.
Luckily he arrived on time and from there I hit the road home to pick up some supplies, then off to my mother's house to carpool to Chenery Auditorium.
Because I dearly love my sister, I was willing to skip my usual bedtime to hear the Kalamazoo Symphony, watch the Kalamazoo Ballet Academy dancers, and my sister and Jay perform.
I am so glad I went. The musical was so uplifting. The dancers a delight. And my sister and Jay, I couldn't be prouder.
There were two extremely phenomenal things I saw and heard there today.
First, there was a high school girl who solo'd on her violin and her fingers were flying so fast I just could not keep up. She was amazing. Such talent.
Second, was a sixth grade girl who composed a piece via piano that the symphony transformed into a masterpiece. Her piece was so beautiful. I was enthralled.
So much accomplishment in these young ladies. I can only imagine how much it will multiply with age.
Anyway, it inspired these thoughts in me today.

Can you hear the music playing or is it only in my head?
Your stare is blank yet kind "What was that?", you said.
I know your being polite and my sanity is in question.
Never fuss with one of "Them", I guess you learned that lesson.
How sad you miss the melody, such a beautiful refrain.
If you could merely hear the tune that's playing in my brain.
The aria of angelic voices, the metronome keeps time.
Oh the joyous composition leaves me so sublime.
"It's your loss", I think at last. Saddened none the less.
If only I could share the genius of my wonderful mess.

Okay, so, today was one of those days that left me truely feeling old. My almost 17 year old daughter wanted to see the Jonas Brothers movie in 3D.
Upon arriving at the theater, seeing all the young teenagers there, I decided I was not staying with her for the movie. Too much noise. And, amazingly...too expensive. $15 a ticket for a movie, 3D or not is a bit much in my opinion.
But I digress. So, anyway, I realized as I got back into the car that I have indeed reached oldomn. You know, that place when you choose to pass something special up with someone you love because you just can't deal with the side effect.....waaay too many girls screaming at the Jonas Brothers. Yeesh. Color me gone.

There is nothing like death to quickly snap me back into attention. This past week was so busy, trying to get Connor ready for Battle of the Books, the actual battle, numerous errands and birthday planning. Finally his birthday arrives and right on the way to his party, my uncle suddenly passes away. Watching all of the family struggling to smile and pretend to be happy to make Connor's birthday a success and not spoil his party was so special and so sad at the same time. It is always hard knowing that there is nothing you can do and yet feeling guilty that life is continuing on with joy and laughter while someone is suffering.

Thankfully, he is with the Lord and his mother, whom he has missed since her passing 2 years ago. Still, my aunt is heartbroken at the loss of her companion of many years. It's hard seeing someone grieve and not be able to take that pain away for them. If only words could heal a broken heart. Sadly, they cannot. Only thing of any use I can offer her now are prayers for Him to heal her heart and give her the comfort that we cannot.

I was thinking to myself yesterday how tired I was and how I hadn't made it to bed since Sunday and that maybe it would be okay to just cancel going on the school trip to the Capitol. But then I thought, there will be time for sleep later. Don't miss this trip with time to bond with your son and make memories. If I were gone tomorrow he can have this memory of a shared experience.

Rob's niece will be having surgery for colon cancer today. 7 long hours minimum that poor girl's body will endure today. I am seriously feeling at a loss for words of comfort to really share with anyone. I just keep praying for the right words of comfort or inspiration to offer up or for my mouth to just remain closed. Please Lord be my filter today. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there for support is more powerful.

Like I said, there is nothing like death to slap me back into attention. Now, off to make my coffee and reflect on just how blessed I truely am.

I often wish the "I'm rubber your glue..." thing actually worked. If I could remember the exact wording of Sheldon's from Big Bang Theory, I would quote that one as well. I often wish the things people say about me could just bounce right off instead of seaping through the pores, into the bloodstream to attack me right in the heart.

Reliving the lies people have said made me so angry all over again that I just had to silently pray to let it go. Suddenly it popped into my head Jesus saying "Who Do You Say I Am?. I got a bit teary and thought yeah, it doesn't matter what others say about me. He knows me. He knows what they say is not true and if anyone knows what it is like to have people say horrible things about who you are and your character, it would be HIM. Even today people continue to slander His name, who He is and was and what He did. I was able to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Get Over It", "Let it go". Thank you Lord for always putting the right thing in my mind at the right time to keep me from imploding or exploding.

So when someone assassinates you or your character take the time to do a mental checklist. Before I get really blown up, is it true? Do I owe this person an apology? If not, then ask for help to let it go. Let Jesus be your rubber to bounce those lies right off you. You don't have to be the one the lies can stick to and hurt anymore. All because of who you say He is, you can be who you are and "GET OVER IT".

So, after a years hiatus, I have decided it's time to get back on with the show. I was bored with facebook, bored with t.v., bored with reading (Sorry Lord), decided to get caught up on a friend's blog and got to thinking about writing some poetry. Well that well ran dry.

But what I noticed, looking at my poetry on this blog, that it was 1 year ago since my last post.
What a wild ride this year has been. Full of ups and downs, blessings and losses. What was even more funny, (I almost had to wonder if my subconscious remembered and I did not) was today was Robby's neurology appointment at 1:15. He wasn't feeling well and neither was big Rob so I had to cancel. Crazy huh?

I honestly had to laugh, trying not to wake either Rob, about the Taking It Back post. It made me realize how I have come a long way since last year and yet still miss the mark. I have found intense emotional healing in some areas of forgiveness and still struggle in others. Thankfully, He is still working on me.

I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself these days. I have been wavering between whether to take on a part - time job or take some classes. I am pretty sure the latter is the route I am going as being dependable isn't that great of an option for me. Since I love doing research and my favorite subject is comparative religions, I think that is the route I will be taking. However, as flighty as I can be, who knows. Rob has recommended I need to work toward a religion or theology degree as he says forget a job, we want you home, follow what interests you the most. There is always time later to worry about a career of some kind. I am betting it's going to take a lot of prayer before any decision is made.

It's so funny to me that I have made fun of Rob forever about being a reality t.v. junkie, yet sadly I am following that same route. Between American Idol, Shear Genius, Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, Kitchen Nightmares as well as the countless other cooking shows we watch, I have become just like him. And sadly, I get soooo caught up in them. Poor Rob looks on in dismay as his pathetic wife is crying because someone got voted off. Not that I am feeling all that terrible about it as I have to listen to his UFC championships all the time. Nothing like testosterone laden t.v. to cause him to become someone from another planet. Grrr. Hehe.
Still I have it far better than he does. The poor man does not understand my obsession with missing persons. I told him to be thankful as one day if he disappears, at least I will want to find him. That's if I didn't have anything to do with why he went missing in the first place...I'm just sayin'. J/K.

This has been such a trying time for me trying to accept that my little girl isn't so little anymore. Even with Robby turning 20 this year, I tend to always see and think of him as a child. But Kye...Oh dear. She is graduating in just a couple months and will be turning 18 shortly after. I am sooo not ready for this. It has been hard enough living through the hormone laden days where I thought "Child, don't make me lose my salvation on you!" or "Don't make me have a Come To Jesus meeting with you in the backyard!", to now thinking of college, adulthood, marriage and eventually motherhood (she claims otherwise). Can you legally ground an 18 year old??? I can barely get that child to take out the garbage or load the dishwasher without complaining. How on earth am I gonna manage then? It really is amazing how quickly time passes and you think back and wonder how did it all go by so fast. I am just so lucky that she has turned out so marvelous with such nerds for parents.

Connor will be turning 10 on Monday and I am so amazed at the young man he is growing up to be. Thankfully, he still thinks girls have cooties so I have a year or two hopefully before he becomes someone else's child lol. He is content to just l.a.r.p. and hang with the folks for now. Although I have to question whether it is normal for a boy to talk on the phone 4 to 5 hours a day. I tell Rob, hey at least he has friends and is social. He is not hanging out in his room plotting world domination or death and destruction somewhere. But man that kid has the gift for gab. I have no idea where he got that from :P. Well okay, yeah I do know where. But I am glad he is social like me. Luckily where I lack in the humor department, his father does not so he has that going for him. Now if we can just keep him from getting his father and sister's sarcastic quick wit, all will be well. I have never been quick witted. By the time I think I have come up with any type of witty response, it's 3 or 4 am and everyone is in bed. Sigh. We can't all be funny and that's okay by me. I can still pull off sarcasm without the great humor.

Hopefully it will not take me another year to post something. And if I ever get up enough enthusiasm I might put my recent poetry on here as well. Sadly I feel too lazy to type it all up from my journal right now. Jo, I hope you are happy. I actually forced myself to do this.
After all, it's free therapy right?!

Snow? Snow? Oh for crying out loud, you have got to be kidding me. Nearly the middle of March and I see snow. Doesn't mother nature understand that I am fed up with having sick kids? Clorox and I are waiting for some nice weather so I don't suffocate and poison everyone in the house. I need nice weather to open all the windows so I don't kill us all with bleach fumes.
I was so happy with those couple of warm, slightly sunny days. Even though I was sick, everything seemed so much better in the world.
Sometimes I feel like even a good smack might not be enough to right my senses. How on earth did I ever let my husband talk me into moving into the middle of the stupid woods? I must have been off in some la la land. Not only are we unable to grow anything but moss and dirt out here without sunlight, I can't even go for walks in my own woods 'cause people keep shooting out of season back there and I really don't want to hasten my exit out of this world.
Can ya tell I am struggling today? I am just bitter 'cause today is Neurology 6th month visit day and that is never a happy time for me. So, I decided, once I complained about the weather, I was gonna find some nice things to be happy about.
Here goes:
Robby is 18 and he was not expected to live even a fraction of that time.
Kye's grades are phenomenal and we get along fairly well overall.
Connor's grades are wonderful as well and he is about to have a bday soon.
My marriage is solid and I love him as much today as I did in the beginning. I honestly think more since he makes me madder now than he did then and I get over it faster.
We have a home to live in.
We have food to eat.
We have transportation.
We have family.
We have friends.
We have each other.
We have JESUS!
Seems despite the sadness that this visit always brings me, all the wonderful things we have should outweigh the negative.
I think sometimes I just need to take the time to list just how blessed we really are to overcome the difficult stuff. And as I remind myself, the difficult stuff helps me appreciate all the fabulous and miraculous in our life.
So color me uplifted and smiling. :)

Okay, so I will admit it, I have always been a little bit of a nerd, geek, dork...you get the picture.
I love comic books, superheros...all that stuff. So, I was really excited to go see Watchmen last night. It looked a bit dark and I wasn't sure about that, but the previews did make it look a bit action packed.
Well, no one told me I was gonna be embarrassed to be sitting there with my husband, sister, b.i.l., and MOM. Nothing like feeling like your watching some kind of male nude modeling art class with your mother....yeesh. Had it just been Rob and I, all would have been fine, as I am not easily embarrassed. I read a couple reviews talking about missing the mark, a little slow...yada yada...but nothing about male anatomy to watch with my MOTHER.....Now being someone that loves art, I have seen many a painting with nude females and males and never think twice about it. The funny thing is Rob mentioned something about seeing the actor on some talk show saying he would probably never watch the movie as it showed too much of him....I was a bit slow on the uptake I guess.
My b.i.l. giggled like a little girl everytime Mr. Manhattan's maleness showed which got my husband laughing, my sister and I hiding our faces in our shirts trying not to laugh and my mom saying did they really just show that. Now, I hadn't even noticed the first few times that they had drawn in his manly parts, my husband's and b.i.l.'s laughter had me wondering at first "What is so funny?" Finally I caught on...oh boy. Then the bit graphic loves scenes, again with my mother present, left me glad the theater was dark or boy would my face have even redder.
My mother was so funny as after the movie she says, "That was all CG right, they didn't really show a real man on there did they?" We all busted out laughing. Yes mom, it was all CG but at that point, was there really any difference whether it was real or not.........
So, if you've been considering seeing it, just know...they really mean nudity...it's incredibly violent, and you definetly don't want to take your mother hehe.

Can I just say...I hate not having health insurance.
As if if were not bad enough that I feel like a nasty illness
is tracking me down, the thought of going to see my
physician makes it all the worse.
I have not been to see my Dr. in over two years, even though
I have some health issues going on that should be followed up
regularly. Why? Because I do not have health insurance.
Paying cash every time I need to take the kids in, is a real
budget killer, let alone even entertaining medical bills for
myself. Thank the good Lord, I am rarely ill enough to
warrant immediate medical care. Most things are well
handled homeopathically.
Then, after my dental appointment today, I began to
panic about what happens if this temporary fix doesn't
force the tooth to heal and I have to chose between the
loss of the tooth or root canal. Guess which one wins?
And that is only 1 tooth of several whose fillings managed
to come out after less than a year of having them all filled.
All the cavities I had filled as a child had to be redone recently,
yet again. They had to be redone when I was pregnant with
my last child who is soon to turn 9. Then they have been
redone twice since then and now must be done again. Why
can't a stupid filling just stay in and stop causing me trouble.
I really hope healthcare in this nation gets fixed. I make
too much money to qualify for michild insurance here yet
don't make enough to have much left after paying bills to
even consider being able to pay for private insurance.
And I am one of the lucky ones. I have a friend, recently
jobless, takes multiple medications, and was told there is
NO Medicaid here in Michigan right now. How can this be?
How can a government program be gone? They said 1 or 2
slots "may" open in the next month but there is a huge
waiting list for it. Thank goodness there is a free clinic here
that may be able to help with some of the meds.
Without her meds, her physical and mental health will
deteriorate rapidly. I can tell you this for sure, it breaks
my heart everything she is going through. Just when I
begin to feel sorry for any circumstance in my life I need
only look at her.
How unfair.
I understand that some people abuse the
system and just want to live off the proceeds and hard
work of others, but what of those that are just hard hit
by life's circumstances?
As my friend Jo often says, " Can't He just blow the whistle
and call us out of the pool already?"
I know that life's struggles are a part of having free will in this
world, and we should all make time to list all that we have to
be thankful for, but sometimes a girl just wants to whine.

Have you ever had that person or two you just couldn't seem to forgive and move beyond?
After a lengthy discussion with a friend about how hard it is to get over being hurt sometimes, I got to thinking about a site online (sorry it was so long ago that I don't remember where) about forgiving.
I have found that wise women of faith out there are right on track about forgiveness. At times when I have felt hurt, especially by family as we can't choose them, I have chosen to follow their directions on how to forgive. I can honestly say that praying for the person that you feel has hurt or betrayed you, and not that they will be smote down lol, but for blessings to be heaped upon them and that they will feel loved, and that you can forgive and forget, really heals those painful wounds.
So, what does it mean when someone you have been praying you could forgive, that you have been praying for mounds of blessings and peace for, still weighs on your mind?
Surely it is NOT God for He knows exactly what He is doing? So I began to wonder if maybe I am taking it back. Not out loud but unconsciously in my head.
Maybe the problem lies solely with my inability to mean it with some people. Maybe I am going through the motions with the best intentions but in my heart and mind I don't really want to forgive yet.
I had not thought about this article in such a long time and while complaining about why I can't let go of some hurt that just seems forever attached to me, it suddenly popped back up in my brain.
Maybe I am just plain taking it back.
Instantly as I thought about it, I realized, that is probably exactly what it is. Why do I think that? Because as quickly as the idea hit me, the negative thoughts began to set in. "I prayed about it already." "I don't want to beat a dead horse with God." "I have been obedient and done my part, I prayed for them, I wished blessings on them, maybe it's not to be."
But as fast as those thoughts came, I knew it wasn't true. I knew, and know the problem is me.
So guess what, here goes another round and included in it will be prayers for me to get over myself and for some insight to recognize if and when I am taking it back. More repentance incoming. Sigh.

Let me just say I hate being a NOOB.
Sorry to those who emailed me to let me know they cannot post to my blog.
And Thank You for letting me know. I am sure it is a mistake on my part as
I recently changed skins and probably goofed something up. Technology and
I don't always see eye to eye. Much like my spelling of late.
Here's hoping it will be a quick fix with the right information.

I know it is just plain silly to complain about the weather and live in Michigan.
It is the epitomy of the true oxymoron if ever there was one.
Nonetheless, I just don't think it's too much to ask for Mr. Weather to
make up his stinking mind. And yes, he is male, for only men can be this
irritating ( just kidding). Only to be followed by children hehe. (Not kidding here)
I don't think it is asking too much for a trend in one direction or another
to make dressing, driving , planning, shopping and just plain living easier.
I really don't need it to be 7 degrees one day and 50 the next. If it is going
to be cold...then just be cold. This see saw effect is making my sinus' and ears
do flip flops. And everytime I think the snow has past...oh no, here comes
another round. Don't get me wrong, I love a break in between snow storms,
but come on, it's March already. I don't want to see anymore snow and it
could be dangerous for the news forcaster that says we are getting any....
I'm just sayin.
I am not looking for Summer weather yet, just some milder even temps
without the freezing fluctuations that ruin my flower buds for the entire season.
And come on....More Sunshine Please....I am feeling a bit vaclempt and
want to leave hibernation.
Okay, okay, I will stop whining. But seriously.....

My day began with stress. I know, right? Imagine that even. Well, it all began with getting the 17 year old to the bus stop by 6:30, racing home to get the 8 year old ready for school, get my hair done, and pack the kitty up for her visit to the vet to be "fixed". Sheer madness. Racing around clear across town and back to get the youngest to school by 8:45 was almost impossible.
Luckily he arrived on time and from there I hit the road home to pick up some supplies, then off to my mother's house to carpool to Chenery Auditorium.
Because I dearly love my sister, I was willing to skip my usual bedtime to hear the Kalamazoo Symphony, watch the Kalamazoo Ballet Academy dancers, and my sister and Jay perform.
I am so glad I went. The musical was so uplifting. The dancers a delight. And my sister and Jay, I couldn't be prouder.
There were two extremely phenomenal things I saw and heard there today.
First, there was a high school girl who solo'd on her violin and her fingers were flying so fast I just could not keep up. She was amazing. Such talent.
Second, was a sixth grade girl who composed a piece via piano that the symphony transformed into a masterpiece. Her piece was so beautiful. I was enthralled.
So much accomplishment in these young ladies. I can only imagine how much it will multiply with age.
Anyway, it inspired these thoughts in me today.

Can you hear the music playing or is it only in my head?
Your stare is blank yet kind "What was that?", you said.
I know your being polite and my sanity is in question.
Never fuss with one of "Them", I guess you learned that lesson.
How sad you miss the melody, such a beautiful refrain.
If you could merely hear the tune that's playing in my brain.
The aria of angelic voices, the metronome keeps time.
Oh the joyous composition leaves me so sublime.
"It's your loss", I think at last. Saddened none the less.
If only I could share the genius of my wonderful mess.

Okay, so, today was one of those days that left me truely feeling old. My almost 17 year old daughter wanted to see the Jonas Brothers movie in 3D.
Upon arriving at the theater, seeing all the young teenagers there, I decided I was not staying with her for the movie. Too much noise. And, amazingly...too expensive. $15 a ticket for a movie, 3D or not is a bit much in my opinion.
But I digress. So, anyway, I realized as I got back into the car that I have indeed reached oldomn. You know, that place when you choose to pass something special up with someone you love because you just can't deal with the side effect.....waaay too many girls screaming at the Jonas Brothers. Yeesh. Color me gone.