I'm Losing You

12:42 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
This expression, if you will, is my letter to my oldest son. I did not write it with the intention of him ever reading it, even if it were remotely possible. It is merely an outpouring of dispair that I was feeling after a physician's office visit.

I'm Losing You

Like the last sliver of daylight, I feel you slipping away. I close my fist to keep the sand from trickling between my fingers.

I'm Losing You

Oh God, please help me. I'm not ready to let you go. It's selfish and unfair I know to keep you tied and dependant on me, rather than allowing you the chance to move on.

The thought of losing you, although I would never have to worry for your care, is unbearable. Who would I then be? I have spent our time being thankful for all of it, even when I felt it just wasn't fair. My life has been about you, and who I am because of you. Without you, who and what am I?

It's not like I don't have others who need me or love me, but you have helped define me. It is you who have helped me recapture my relationship with God. It is you who have helped me learn what is truly important in life. And, it is you who have taught me that pain is bearable. But, I don't want to experience the pain that I know is inevitable.

I'm Losing You

I know in my heart that I will only lose you physically, that you will always be with me in my heart, but the ache I feel at the thought is overwhelming. My thoughts are always of you and for you. I am afraid that without you I will feel scared, cold and empty. It haunts my dreams of late. Sometimes the thought of losing you hurts so bad I cannot even pray. I can only think thoughts and hope in my soul He hears them.

I know you cannot read these words, nor would I want you to if you could. They would hurt you as well and I think make you fight all the harder to stay just to please me. These words are my release, my safe haven for fears and tears that should not be heard for fear of scaring or hurting others.

It's just my need to say and maybe someday accept,

I'm Losing You

0 comments:

I'm Losing You

12:42 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
This expression, if you will, is my letter to my oldest son. I did not write it with the intention of him ever reading it, even if it were remotely possible. It is merely an outpouring of dispair that I was feeling after a physician's office visit.

I'm Losing You

Like the last sliver of daylight, I feel you slipping away. I close my fist to keep the sand from trickling between my fingers.

I'm Losing You

Oh God, please help me. I'm not ready to let you go. It's selfish and unfair I know to keep you tied and dependant on me, rather than allowing you the chance to move on.

The thought of losing you, although I would never have to worry for your care, is unbearable. Who would I then be? I have spent our time being thankful for all of it, even when I felt it just wasn't fair. My life has been about you, and who I am because of you. Without you, who and what am I?

It's not like I don't have others who need me or love me, but you have helped define me. It is you who have helped me recapture my relationship with God. It is you who have helped me learn what is truly important in life. And, it is you who have taught me that pain is bearable. But, I don't want to experience the pain that I know is inevitable.

I'm Losing You

I know in my heart that I will only lose you physically, that you will always be with me in my heart, but the ache I feel at the thought is overwhelming. My thoughts are always of you and for you. I am afraid that without you I will feel scared, cold and empty. It haunts my dreams of late. Sometimes the thought of losing you hurts so bad I cannot even pray. I can only think thoughts and hope in my soul He hears them.

I know you cannot read these words, nor would I want you to if you could. They would hurt you as well and I think make you fight all the harder to stay just to please me. These words are my release, my safe haven for fears and tears that should not be heard for fear of scaring or hurting others.

It's just my need to say and maybe someday accept,

I'm Losing You

0 comments: